69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
