bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Randomize
