Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
