Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
