A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
