she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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