the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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