i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
