His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
