i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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