after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
