I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
