like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
