My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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