Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
