I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
