Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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