so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
