i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
