3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
My cat gives me a boner
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
