You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
