im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
