We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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