just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
