we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
