went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
We are all done wearing pants today
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
