so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
