oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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