I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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