You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
