So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
