About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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