We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
