if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
