mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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