When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
