The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
