I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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