I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
