everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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