I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
