Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
