Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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