Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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