She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
