found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
