I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
