Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
