My liver just broke up with me...
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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