We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
COCAINE IS GR8
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