I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
