i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
